Deep theology and deep confusion
Bob got back tonight, good onya mate, it was good to hang with you for a bit, and once again we were up in his room late just hangin and chattin. We always seem to get to the somewhat less definite areas of the Bible, and how we should live according to God's word, but what wonder what that means in some regards...Anyway, we always ask a question, and that leads to another question, and that to another, and in the end, more questions than we started with, and even less answers...not that it gets me to questioning my faith, or even what I might tend to believe myself in the lesser defined area's (I generally just can't manage to explain why), it only leaves me with this comprehension of how little I actually comprehend, and how that leaves me even more and more dependent upon God's daily revelation of His word in my life, and a sense of desparation whenever I get this faint notion that I can do something on my own and thus without God. He's amazing. That's all there is too it. I don't understand Him, not even in the slightest bit. I know portions of His word and can somewhat experience His love, but that doesn't mean I understand...there might be times when I think I do, but seriously, can we even begin to think on the same level as the Father? Really...there's no way, even as we revel in our proudest moments of human high fallutin wisdom, God must just chuckle and think they're so simple, yet I love them still.
So, it's late, and this was probably more confusing, but it is all out of a yearning in my heart to know the Father more.
Reveal Yourself to me Lord. I need You so very much. I understand nothing, and You have abundant stores of wisdom. Pour that out on me, not so I can gloat in it, but that I can know You more. Come and consume every part of my life. Let my mind dwell and be controlled by the spirit, as Your heart conquers mine. Holy fire burn away. You're the only thing that satisfies, everything else is trivial and meaningless. My heart literally burns for you (unless that's the chili I ate). I have to have more, I want You to take controll, You have to, for the sake of Your kingdom, and the sake of Your people who You have chosen me to lead. Who am I to lead? What have I done to make me deserving of such a task? Only made a mockery of Your name and shown my innadequacy even more. But You are faithful and good. You turn winter into spring, and make this cold heart grow. You take this weak body, this feable mind, and bring glory to Your name, and healing to Your people. It is true. Your power is shown magnificantly through my weakness. Your grace covers my downfalls. It is You, only You. I live for nothing else. There's nothing else that can fill the void, nothing to quench the fire. So have Your way. Let Your desires become my own, Your love overflow through me. Break down any pride and stubborness, any feeling of honor, and let me live to glorify You forevermore.